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So, you have decided to go all the way, eh? If this is your first time with another first-timer or even if the first-timer is just you, first times leave indelible marks on our memory. Personally, I think, a shared first-time is one of the most beautiful things that a person can experience. At the same time, with each partner, there is always a first-time. And you are going to remember these as well.
Still, most of us are nervous during our first-times. We wonder whether we would fuck awesome or be as guaranteed a flop as a Fardeen Khan, Yookta Mukhey romantic tragedy. To avoid a fate similar to such a creative undertaking, Fuck Awesome! brings to you a list of simple things to check-mark when you dive into the water for the first time. Don’t expect to be a pro after reading this. Expect to make your first time easier, stress-free and a whole lot of fun!
#1 It is, but natural!
Have you seen a dog read a blog to know how to do it? Maybe a dolphin, because they are such smart creatures? Nature intended us to fuck and fuck awesome. No amount of keeping you away from porn, people and FTV can stifle your god gifted (literally) talent of being awesome in bed. Know in your mind that the bees, the birds, the monkeys, the fish, the reptiles, the roaches under your sink, the inquisitive aunties in your building, the watchman, the doodhwala, the phoolwali, the paanwala, your parents, your grandparents, have all done it! Your children and grand children will do it too. So will you. If so many people have managed to do it, it must come easy, no? I definitely think so!
#2 Your place or mine?
Now that you have been mentally prepped and the pressure has gone off from the individual you because you now know that everyone has been doing it, let us get down to preparing for the actual moment. And the most important factor here is to RELAX. The catch is, you cannot relax in unfamiliar settings. Nor can you relax if you have a deadline to adhere to. So, simple advice, be in a place that you both are comfortable in. Your place or your partner’s, works the best. If not, a cozy hotel room should do good. Maybe, you want to go on a vacation to a nearby beach or hill-station? Avoid trying to do it quickly in public restrooms, cars and other such claustrophobic places. You need time on hand. Why be stingy with it?
Before you do it, don’t do it a few times. But get closer each time. By that, I mean, once you are ready to go the full way, do more than you have done till now, but let the full first-time happen AFTER a few instances of almost going the full way. Why? It makes you more relaxed, having practiced so many times earlier. When you finally do it, there won’t be as much pressure of a completely new thing. But this one is subjective. Wait as much as you want and a little more than you can. Explore each other out. Experiment a bit more. When you finally do it, be able to feel at home!
#4 Ascending Rhythm
While, in principle you may have agreed to go the full way, a first-timer may still feel nervous. This is true for both a virgin and a sexually experienced partner having sex with YOU for the first time. Give your partner some space. Increase the tempo, a bit at a time. Start from first base. Just because you are going the full way, doesn’t mean you skip the start. Feel out. There are many ways to ask questions and get answers. Not all of these are verbal. Go boldly, but politely to where no person has gone before…then wait for your partner’s reaction. If the partner is not comfortable yet, back off a little.
#5 Ask & Ask & Ask
Finally, when you are doing it, ask, ask, ask! It is ok to be unsure, as long as you don’t turn into a panzy with your uncertainty. The way to ask is by being polite, timely and genuine. Don’t ask to impress, ask to know and implement. Ask what? Whether your partner likes what you are doing! Are you using too much pressure? Too little? At the correct place? With the correct speed? Again, there is more than one way to ask and not all of them are verbal!
Hurt, protection, lubricants, peer pressure and fun
As natural as sex is, it is natural to be nervous during your first time. This is as true for a kiss as much as for intercourse. Most tips above will work for as much. There are a lot of ways to have fun with your partner and intercourse is only one of them. Kissing, hugging, massages are very passionate as well. And intercourse might mean different things for different people. For some, it will be tightly tied in with the intimacy of a relationship. For some, it might be completely anatomical or instinctual. Find out what it is for you.
Remember to use protection during your first time. First times are not ‘safe’ as some people might have you believe. There is a very good chance of pregnancy and STDs if you do not use protection and contraception. Practice with a condom beforehand. Chuck this step if you are lesbian.
Read, read, read! Since you can practice only with your partner and those practice times will count as your make-out times as well, the most you can do to learn more is to read. A good idea is to explore information on male and female genitalia online. Understand how it functions. Explore your own self as well.
Try and avoid being under the influence of substance during your first time. While substance may lower inhibitions, it will lead to a loss of sensation and can even impair memory. Believe me, however awkward you are, you do not want to forget your first times.
NEVER assume a Yes from your partner. All your sexual acts should be completely consensual. You can NEVER be Fuck Awesome! if you even kiss a person when the person isn’t ready. Like I have already said twice, above, there are a lot of ways to ask for consent and there are a lot of ways to decline consent as well. It is better to err on the side of caution and NOT go ahead if you sense that your partner might not be entirely ready. If the partner is ready and you have misread him/her, don’t worry, he/she will take off from where you have left.
Does it hurt during the first time? The answer is both yes and no. Some people are naturally more sensitive. They might hurt during their first time and even later. This is true for both men and women. Don’t worry, this pain does not usually take away from sexual pleasure. At the same time, there are ways to overcome this pain. A good amount of foreplay usually gets both partners ready enough for the sex to be wet and painless. For women who don’t get wet easily, for when you still haven’t gotten used to a condom and for gay couples, use a water based lubricant with your condom. KY Jelly by Johnson & Johnson’s is available in most chemist shops in the country. Use generously.
Some women might bleed during sex, especially if it is their first time, but not necessarily. It is ok and natural and nothing to freak out about.
A very important thing to remember is, NEVER ever should you do anything sexual because everyone else is doing it. Do you eat because someone else is eating? Do you sleep because someone else is? Then why let someone else’s needs, wants and opportunities decide your sex-life? Do it when you feel like, IF you feel like. There need never be any reason behind your no. Some people are inherently more sexual than others. There are phases in your life when your sexual needs will dip or up. Go with the flow. Do things that you feel like doing, not because of peer pressure.
And last but, not the least, remember to have fun! Like I have mentioned in other posts, the point of a fuck is to have fun, not to be stressed, nervous and overworked. Laugh when you go wrong, take it easy if your partner doesn’t get it right the first time. Create a memory, don’t run a race. Don’t just fuck, fuck awesome!
Till you do it next,
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