Mumbai Mirror reads this site for its sex and relationship columns.
In the land of the second largest and arguably the fastest growing population, thinking that sex fulfills an objective apart from making babies, is almost sacrilege. While nature intended sex for babies, since a long time in human history, babies have become a consequence, rather than the desired outcome of a man and woman engaging in coitus. Then again, the recently rediscovered coitus between two males or two females or between more than two people of any gender rocks the baby boat considerably.
As you read through the piece, you will realise why there is so much variety in the ways that one person sleeps with another. Maybe, you will discover something about yourself, find a reason for your fantasies and fetishes. These reasons are universal, but their expression in this piece is decidedly Indian. Without further ado, let us get into the why of things!
Like all of us know, sex gives us babies. In India, once a female has reached an age of 20 and a male has reached an age of 25, concerned aunties from around the neighbourhood start asking, “When will you make us grandparents?” Marriage and children are hardly a choice in the current Indian setting. There are so many others who are interested in a couple begetting children that sex becomes a duty. And children become your karma.
Because Everyone Is Doing It
This is a cross between peer pressure and wanting to feel normal. Truer in urban India, this phenomenon has bedded many a young lass and lad. When this leads you to your first experience, it just might make your first-time a little dull. Thankfully, we have a little something here to make it better for you.
Sex works as a wonderful stress buster! No wonder then that men from crowded houses tend to seek out prostitutes since they can’t have sex in the home with their spouses. A lot of cheating happens because of trying to relieve stress through sex. In nature, stress is one of the things that can lead to death. And if you are dying, it is a good idea to leave your genes behind in the form of progeny. Hence, after sex, you tend to be relieved because while you as a vessel of your genes might die, you just had sex! So your genes will continue! Or so thinks nature.
When someone is having sex with you, it is one of the most intimate access that person has granted you. No wonder then, that sex becomes a way of proving your social worth, especially when you sleep with people ‘out of your league.’ The nerd with a hottie on his arm is a typical example. The hottie has given the nerd access. Trophy wives, rich old men, intellectuals…you are increasing your worth in the view of your peers if you are sleeping with them. Why do you think starlets sleep with Salman Khan? Sleeping with a lot of people serves the same purpose. It is like having a Mercedes. Or having 10 Toyotas. Trophy partner or many partners, the purpose served is the same. Other’s are going to think you are going places. With the networking you will achieve, you really may!
And! Sleeping with all these trophy people gives us an ego boost as well! Doesn’t it? But, even without the trophy part of it, being able to sleep with someone, having access to booty, can give us an ego boost. Whether you score a one-nighter or you have someone with regular access – you know, your girlfriend/boyfriend, spouse, fuck-buddy, watchman, maid, anyone really – the fact of having slept with someone does give you an instant ego boost!
A regular ego boost can start giving you self confidence as well. This is especially true for men. Men draw confidence from the fact that they have someone to sleep with or that they have the skills to bed anyone, anytime. The same way a woman feels secure when she has a partner, a man feels confident when he has a partner.
In India, a lot of times, men will have sex and rough sex with their own women or more to prove their masculinity. This is actually true all over the world, but we see it a little more in our country than our favourite western counterparts. Notice how social status & ego boost are related to this. Kings were expected to keep mistresses and harems to prove to the rest of the junta how virile they were.
Means Of Exchange
Prostitution is not called the oldest profession for nothing. It goes beyond the human race. Even before the human race, and even now, females of a species will trade sex for food, security and shelter. From casting couches to angry wives witholding it for an apology, sex has been used as a means for exchange since times immemorial. This leads to problems when used vice-versa. For example, a man expecting a woman to sleep with him because he bought her dinner and drinks.
To Lose Virginity
Now this might seem to be a weird reason to have sex, but think about it. While losing your virginity means having sex for the first time, often, people are not really looking for sex. They are looking to lose their virginity for which they seek out sex. This is the exact opposite of reproduction. While losing your virginity was the consequence of having sex, now, people have sex to lose their virginity. It is no longer a consequence. In urban India, it is a sought objective.
This is a well-understood and a socially accepted reason. As the next level of relationship commitment, couples decide to go the full way. This may be before or after marriage.
Not to be confused with commitment, people also indulge in sex to feel closer to each other. While commitment happens after a bond, sex sometimes creates a bond that is strong and special. Lots of couples bond over sex while for many, sex is an expression or even a definition of their relationship.
Because They Love It
Some people like to eat. Some people like to listen to music. Some people like watching films and some people like to fuck. Plain and simple. Yes, even in India. Yes, maybe even your grandmother. But everyone likes sex you say? No. Everyone has sex. There are some people who are connoisseurs, who make it into an art, who adore it more than everyone else. Just like films. Everyone watches films. Some people LOVE them.
Or plain fucking horniness. This is when you do it JLT. Because you felt like it. Or because you were titillated enough. Or because you had access to booty…or a porn film.
Like sex is a means of committing yourself a little more to your relationship, it can be used by your partner to mark his/her territory. Your partner might make you out of bounds for everyone else by sleeping with you. Will be used by both men and women.
Heard about make-up sex after a fight? How about sympathy sex when someone is feeling down in the dumps? Just feeling an emotion intensely can make you want to find a sexual release for your emotions.
Jealousy gets a place of her own because of the myriad ways in which she can manifest herself into a sexual encounter. Leading to boosting ego, to venting emotion to branding a mate, jealousy has her own off shoots when it comes to sex. And really, the one leading reason for this emotion to come into being is sex. Sex and jealousy spawn each other in a vicious circle. Like a snake swallowing its own tail. Jealousy can be because you suspect someone else is interested in your partner. In this case, you also try to find someone who might be interested in you. Jealousy might also be because your partner has had more partners than you. In this case you try and sleep with as many others as possible. Really, the reasons and manifestations of jealousy are endless. So I shall end here.
That is a long list of reasons! Whew! This was a difficult piece to write! Which of the reasons given above do you relate to, the most? Have you had sex or wanted to have sex for a reason other than mentioned in this piece? Let us know about it in the comments!
Sex is a very controversial topic in our society. From gagging expressions of sex to denying its existence in everyday life, we are caught in a very ugly predicament regarding one of the most basic pleasures of being alive. Still, we find ways, have always been doing so. It makes us lead a double life – what we are in our bedrooms and what we are in public is drastically different. The one solace is, whatever the reasons, our parents had sex, we will and our children will too.
Here is to sex, because it is so fuck awesome!
– Fuck Awesome!
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